Recently, I have been contemplating whether our family is complete or not. It’s such a big, big decision for a woman to make. I am in my prime baby-making years and evolutionarily speaking, I’m wasting it. However, reason quickly takes over and I think about how many people are currently on this earth and the two beautiful little girls that I have been given, and one more (although I would love to have a baby again) doesn’t equate in my mind.
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, I can remember being terrified of the unknown. Would I be a good mother? Could I adequately tend to her needs in the proper way? What if I messed this up? I assume that these are normal responses and any mother pregnant with her first child has a number of concerns about the future may hold.
I wanted to ensure that I did it right, because babies don’t come with cute, little instruction booklets, nor do they typically offer second chances. I immediately sought prenatal care, after checking out a handy dandy pregnancy calculator. Then, headed to my local drugstore to stock up on
horse pills prenatal vitamins (seriously, where were the gummy vites when I was pregnant?). I then combed every.single.website. for information on how to do this “pregnancy thing” properly, such as pregnancy information from Bounty.com, among other parenting websites that offered up a “guide map” for the next 9 months.
I was overwhelmed.
Eat this – don’t eat that. This can be linked to cancer – that can be linked to ADHD – ahhhhhhhhh! I thought that labor was supposed to be the hard part? I was excited for our upcoming arrival, but my goodness is there a lot to learn during those nine months. Of course, regardless of what I put into my mouth, or how many jumping jacks I did, she arrived beautiful, healthy, and perfect in every way. In fact, we enjoyed her so much that we decided to have #2.
Little miss #2 provided her very own set of challenges. I was sick for the first 3 months so severely that I had to crawl off of the couch just to use the bathroom. Once the severe morning sickness subsided, I rather enjoyed my pregnancy and had an easy C-section delivery. Then, she began to cry. She was the loudest baby in the hospital by far and she showed no signs of slowing down.
I was prepared for this. I mean, babies cry. I knew the routine, and I had this baby thing licked (or so I thought). The problem? She kept crying…for two years. Often times when I tell people this story, they think I’m exaggerating. I mean really, can a baby cry for two years? Why yes, yes they can – I lived through it, never once losing my temper, but I’m sure a little of my sanity was gone by the end of it. In fact, I’m certain of it.
So, baby #3, although an endearing prospect, isn’t really going to become a reality. I long to hold a baby and smell their sweet skin, but I don’t know that adding another baby to our family flow would be a good choice for anyone. On the flip side, it’s hard to say goodbye to my baby-making years, and I will look back fondly on them.
How did you decide when you were done? Was it hard to say goodbye?